Bouncing Back
Back to 2010 Logs Goa Swivel Goa's been tended to as promptly as he's come to appreciate from the all-too-bubbly (at least to his reckoning) medic, but right now he's in a bit of a jam waiting for Torque to get the right kind of material to repair the delicate afterburners on his heels. Mercury still rolls off the mech occasionally as he shifts or a fan 'coughs' somewhere in his chassis. This was getting embarrassing. The mech is as terse as he can be without being impolite. His chin sits against the medical table surface, and it's unclear if that's what's pushing his lip out or if he's just sulking. Swivel had followed Torque and Goa all the way to the detailer, keeping close and ever-present near Goa. Not once does her expression darken, nor does she give Goa the death glare for his indiscretion of reading her personal diary, but rather maintains a cheerful demeanor now that everyone is safe and all is good in the world. Once actually in the shop and Goa set up to be fixed she is by his side. "There WAS a sign, you know," she says out of the blue. Goa grunts in immediate response, slowly turning his optics to look at Swivel. He smiles very slightly. "If I told you I couldn't read, would you believe me?" Of course there was a sign. He was focused on getting out of there and getting info, not something so silly as a /warning/. Swivel shakes her head. "I'd love to believe you, but since you admitted to reading my journal, that would make you a liar at some point today, and it's hard to believe liars. Really hard. Although I believe them all the time. Of course, I know you are just being cute," she reaches over and pats Goa on the cheek with a smile. "Now then... how much did you read before I so rudely interrupted your exploration into my private matters?" she asks in her sweet, girlish voice. Goa dims his optics as his face is touched, quite suddenly, like he's expecting pain. One femme ticked at him in one cycle was enough. He's gotten pretty good at ignoring jabs, lately, at least. "Everything from when you were with me and Shark to the present." That described more than one entry. But he was pretty sure she'd know which one. Swivel does not strike out at Goa, but instead is just stroking his cheek gently. Her optics dim for a moment as her mind processes. Oh. No. Not that last entry. It was the one she worried most about. She is quiet for a moment or two. "I see. Were you looking for anything in particular, or was it just an opportunity that presented itself to glean information? I daresay there was nothing useful to you in there," Swivel says softly. She withdraws her hand, staring down at Goa. Goa relaxes, his optics glowing back online, if tentatively. He looks up, returning the stare, but is quiet for a moment as he considers his response. "Wanted to know about you and Psykeout without the... disrespect of asking you, Swivel. He's a Decepticon." Swivel shakes her head for a long moment, tearing her gaze from Goa. She is silent for a moment or two, then she looks back down at Goa. "You could have asked me anyway. I don't get mad at people ask me questions. I'm not even mad about you reading my diary. I'm just scared." Goa looks back down at the table and grits his teeth invisibly. The guilt was starting to anger him. Maybe he did know too many people. Or maybe he was just bad at knowing too many people. "Scared of what, Swivel." His voice is an almost-threatening (coming as it is from the mech so keen on irritating others with his tone) monotone as he works that out. Swivel is quiet for a long time, her optics sweeping over Goa for a drawn out moment, her silence building up suspense. "Don't worry about it. It's complicated. But I'm not mad at you. So don't worry, Goa, don't worry about a thing." Goa suddenly draws his splayed-out arms up under himself, lifting his torso off the table, dragging his presently-deactivated legs behind himself. His mismatched optics bear down on Swivel. "Swivel, Psykeout threatened and tried to kill my bond mate. He pulled the same slag on a li'l friend of mine, just some, oh, Decepticon /lead medic/, /three times/. I think you can see he'd make a pass at me given the chance." Goa's redder optic narrows slightly. "I'm worrying." Swivel moves away, placing her hands behind her back, and pauses. She then begins to pace back and forth over the same small strip of space in quiet, thinking carefully. There is something... something, perhaps reminiscent in this pacing-thinking tactic, as if she were preparing a speech. She pauses, rounding to turn to Goa, setting her face into smooth neutrality. "Naturally, then if you have seen his tendency to go between calm, logic and psychotic bouts of violence, you can understand my own fears. What has transpired between us is personal, and while I think myself an open book for those who ask, I can scarcely talk about his involvement in my life without, in some way, betraying him." she quickly throws her hands up, palms out in case Goa was about to counter that comment, as it was quite crazy. "Now, before you go off the deep end why I worry about betraying him, it's because I do not wish to provoke him. If he learns I'd been spouting things off, I do not think he will be well pleased. He then will take it out on someone, and if what you say is true, and he's hurt Shr... the lead medic, then he will continue to do so. With you knowing what I wrote, it's irrational, but I fear he'll somehow know you know things, although I didn't explicitly cite any particular event that I can recall." "That mech gets 'displeased' if he, say, gets the idea someone might've looked at him funny at some point. I can't say I know him better than you do, Swivel, but I can't say I don't, either, 'cause I don't know much, do I?" Goa lowers himself onto his elbows, sighs, and chokes a bit of leftover mercury from his lateral vents. There's something reminiscent in that pacing-and-then-talking to him, alright. It reminds him of the way Psyke behaves. He opens his mouth ... then shuts it, to think a bit more. Lot of words for him. "... whaddi'msayin'... Swivel, you're the one who shouldn't be worrying. It's someone else's problem now." He smirks very slightly. "Everybody knows I know things. That makes some mechs angry. Other mechs less." Swivel watches Goa for a quiet moment as he speaks his piece, her expression unchanged, and her hands still tucked behind her back. Then she walks over with even steps and stands in front of Goa, glancing down at him. "...I never said I was afraid for myself. I can bare Psykeout. I know his tricks, I know he always breaks down. I expect it. But I always let him back in. Call me a martyr, but I often hope if I can keep him busy someone else is being saved. But... then I finally left. Now he's someone else's problem. Should that bring me joy? No. It doesn't even bring me relief. I've been bent and distorted, Goa, but I can carry on, happy with the way I am because I always bounce back. Always." Goa lifts himself slightly again so he can stay eye-to-eye with Swivel. This wasn't bouncing back at all, now, was it? It was burning him a bit deeper than he had been in a while, in fact. This was precisely why he'd read what he found. "Worse than me, Swivel." Goa lowers his optic shutters just an inch. It wasn't that different from him, was it? Chasing redemption. "You believe that, whether you do, or someone else does for you..." he snorts. "It ain't your fault, but you know that. So'd I. And I know what I wanted to know." Goa crosses his arms and sets his chin on them, staring blankly into space. Swivel stares at Goa for a moment, then a smile leaps to her face. "Look.... these things aren't going to do any good for us to throw back and forth. I'm not a wise femme or a clever one. And I feel I'd lose quickly in a discussion like this..." she says, trying to disarm a tense situation. However she frowns again and flinches a little. "How does knowing what happened between Psykeout and I help you, though?" That was more like it. "Rule number one of Cybertron, know what you're dealin' with." All those words, and Slip was the one who had to teach Goa to read up on dossiers that didn't immediately interest him. Booooring. But Goa hungers for nothing if not answers. His answer, in this case, is that Swivel clearly wants to change the topic. "How well do you know Shark?" Swivel raises her optic ridges. She felt if he'd indeed been exposed to Psykeout's psychotic breaks he knew exactly what he was dealing with. However, she says nothing further on the matter. "I do not know Shark very well. I'd only spoken with him a few times. Why do you ask?" "Just curious. Gotta practice what I preach." Goa grins, displaying a bit more dental plate than necessary. "That slagger ripped me near to pieces once. I guess he's like me, just doesn't particularly care. About whose aft he's savin', I mean. 'Con, 'Bot, non." And it didn't improve Goa's cycle any. Accepting help wasn't weak, perhaps, but it /displayed/ weakness. So, from an Autobot? In front of everyone he knows? Sure, why the slag not! Swivel shrugs her shoulders. "I suppose so." She then goes to look for something to sit down on, resting her hands in her lap. "Autobots... at their best want to protect. So him saving you is nothing unusual. However, it was dangerous for him to do it. He doesn't know me well, and doesn't know that I might let the information slip that he was saving a Decepticon. I won't of course, but he doesn't know that. It was reckless... but I think it was noble." She gives a little shrug. "I want to believe the best in everyone I meet. I get disappointed a lot, but I still like believing it. Sometimes being unrealistic makes reality bearable." Goa can't fault anyone for that, at this point. So he doesn't. Just smiles. "Huh, I do suppose he was goin' in deeper water than me..." Glorious day! A pun! That was a point to consider, though ... if Swivel didn't know him that well. He makes note in his databank of it. And of what she thinks Autobots are, for that matter. "And I've noticed." Swivel smiles, laughing a little at the pun. "Of course, at their worst Autobots can be awful people... but there is good and bad people on both sides of a war. I don't believe in absolute evil or good... which is why I can see good in everyone. There will always be a quality I can find, a positive one, in everyone. I think, so far, Shark is a really good person. I hope not to be proven wrong." She begins to swing her legs. "You're also a pleasant mech. I like you." Goa gets the impression Swivel's criteria for 'liking' someone are a bit skewed. But, well ... it's a nice change. Not about to complain. "Mhm." Maybe a little bit. He rolls his helmet aside, cradling it in his arms. "Thanks, Swivs, but I like to reserve judgment 'til I've seen someone at their worst. Unless you know something I dunno you know, too?" A little snicker. Swivel shrugs her shoulders. "Liking someone isn't passing judgment. It's just enjoying being around them. Trusting, loving, admiring, or caring for someone... is more of a judgment. But then, there are people I like even after seeing their worst, and you did, after all, read personal private information that should have been kept private. That shows that you let your curiosity cause you to take underhanded methods that would undermine someone's trust... but I'm a very forgiving femme. I'm used to people doing crazy things to satisfy curiosity." It probably should've. Goa'd turned that thought over a few times. He respected Shred, after all, helping her without so much as a thought to nosing around. But Shred didn't have something he wanted. "Aw, no extra points for bein' honest about it?" He thought it was a favor, at least, he would've straight up lied if it was someone he didn't respect. Or maybe, at some level, if it was someone he placed more value on, be that value in ability to hurt him or help him. But that wasn't how his ego would ever acknowledge it. Swivel slips off of where she was seated and walks over to Goa. "Oh you get a lot of points for honesty, and for giving it back. But some people, once that trust was lost, even honesty about it wouldn't matter. The trust would be lost and they'd be angry. However, I'm not easily made mad. I may have seemed... a little..." she rotates her wrist, waving her hand in the air as she searches for the right word, "...sarcastic? No. Cheeky? Maybe. Anyway, a bit something, but..." she pauses as if losing her train of thought. She dismisses the search to realign her ideas and shrugs. "Anyway, it's just how I deal with things when I get uncomfortable. It wasn't anger. And don't you ever forget that if I am ever angry, I will come out and say I am angry. Oh I am getting so redundant. How many times have I gone on and had to say I'm not mad. Sorry.... it's patronizing isn't it by thinking you don't get it and feeling the need to hammer it into your helmet... ha ha ha." Goa lifts his helmet up again as Swivel decides to approach for some reason. One antenna folds forward. "No, that's normal, you donno the patronizing I get in Poly. I'm thick. You're not mad at me, tells me things too, though, Swivvy." Steer-slag. He knows angry when he sees it. Swivel was just denying it. Probably for good reason. "Do you trust me?" Swivel stares down at Goa. "Yes. I trust you. But then, I trusted..." she clamps up. She is quiet for a moment then gives a gentle nod, her optics gleaming in cool light. "Yes. I trust you," she repeats. It doesn't take a genius to catch on. The other Decepticons might underestimate him, but really, he was only a /couple/ cards short of a full deck. And they were the useless ones. Like the 1s. Who uses the 1s? Goa smiles and plops his chin back on his arms. "And I'm guessin' you trust/ed/ me not to snoop. Maybe you saw it coming, I wouldn't stop lookin' over your shoulder that one time. So don't let me betray it again. You got my permission to be mad, Swivel." He flips his head the other way to look at the other side of the shop. "Torque really needs to get a minibar out here." Swivel shakes her head and smiles. "I'm not mad because I don't see it as betrayal." She thinks a moment, 'hmmmmming' and 'hawing'. "How to put this..." After a while she claps her hands. "You did a thing people view as betrayal, and I acknowledge the world sees it that way. But I trust you, so you knowing what you know is not alarming, other than a moment of irrational panic I had. But I'm over it. It's processed, gone, and over. I guess I'm saying I trust you not to use what you learned against me, and that's what matters." Goa raises an optic ridge slowly. More that he didn't know. This was gonna gum up his processor a while. "Suppose that makes sense." He wonders what he did to earn that. In turn, he wonders if it's worth wondering. "Guess I'm used to the paranoia up in Poly. I mean, I told you how it is up there, you can get shot or worse for even askin' questions. Much less taking the answers." He smiles a little, recalling something Megatron, of all mechs, taught him... "Guess I'd best get un-used to it." Swivel nods her head slowly, a wry smiling reaching her features. "Do as you please. But... I'm not unaware of the flaw in my logic. Depth himself said he wouldn't be surprised to find me dead in an alleyway somewhere, and soon at the rate I lay myself wide open. But life isn't worth living long if you can't trust." "Didn't suspect you were clueless, Swiv." Goa has figured that much out from this talk. "Dunno about you payin' the price, though. Think you're lucky? Maybe you are. Both here, talking, looks like Primus has an optic on both of us." Swivel allows her smile to broaden again. "I set store by luck. It's what makes up the difference for whatever someone lacks." She stretches her arms up in the air. "However, I am getting low on energy. I must go recharge, and you probably could use some rest as well." Goa finds it's his turn to fumble for words, a puzzled expression crossing his face in the meantime. "Take ... care." Be well? Be cautious? Could go either way. "I probably could." His voice drops to a whisper. "... little scared, Swiv. Someone notices I'm missing... I'm on the roster for an important shtick topside, and I can't even move." It's not like he had anyone else to talk to, at the moment. Slip wasn't paying any mind to him on the link, and Firestorm was offline. Has the grounder nursed a weakness? "Make up for immobility in luck, huh?" He smirks, then plants his face straight down into his arms, muffling out a "later". Swivel straightens up a little. "You... you'd be in trouble for being absent?" She asks. She is quiet for a moment. "It's a pity I'm so small and a little empty, otherwise I'd take you at least close to Polyhex. But there isn't anything I could do other than send a message, but Polyhex isn't a safe place for a neutral. Everyone's suspicious." She pauses a moment. "So... I guess luck is all you got. I'm sure things will somehow turn out..." "Don' worry. I'd rather be absent without an excuse than with one. Whatever they guess is always better than what I got." Goa's optics dim to nearly black. "Will be fine. Not killed me yet." And with that, his frame goes slack, antennae flopping forward listlessly. Maybe he was lower on energon than he let on, too. Category:Logs Category:2010 Logs Category:Goa's Logs Category:Swivel's Logs